In the world of dog trainers and dog behaviorists, there is an everlasting debate about whether dogs truly adhere to a dominant-submissive relationship or whether it’s more complex than that where dogs live and act to achieve equilibrium – a state in which everyone is happy. My personal opinion is to take the best from both stances. One thing is certain: we need to be in charge, meaning dogs should behave and obey our commands. But, the old ways of being the ultimate alpha, acting like we are from a canine family too, to gain control over our dogs are debunked. 

1. I Eat First, Then My Dog Eats

This practice came from observing wild canine families, especially wolves. In their hierarchy, the alpha male and female eat first. Members that are on the lowest hierarchy ladders eat the last. Some dog trainers used this hierarchy rule in wolves and applied it to the owner-dog relationship. The goal was to be perceived by our dogs as the alphas in our little pack. However, this is absolutely unnecessary and has been proven a myth. Why? Because we already show we are “alphas” or in charge because we provide food. Dogs completely rely on us to give them food. They already know that. There is no need to let them watch us eat while they are hungry or let them wait a few hours more until we are done preparing and eating our meal. Give your dog to eat; they won’t think of you as submissive because of that – on the contrary, they know you are the food provider. 

The term “alpha wolf” has been changed to “breeding male” or “breeding female” because the view of a wolf pack structure and hierarchy has changed; they are perceived as parents and caregivers and no longer as competing members who fight and win battles

2. I Lead, Dog Walks Slightly Behind

It is a very useful thing to teach your dog to heel and to walk alongside you or sometimes slightly behind, but it is not necessary all the time and in all places. A dog walking in front of you without pulling on a leash and obeying your commands to heel or stop, and so on, is not doing anything wrong. Let dogs be dogs and explore. Let them walk in front of you if you feel they are safe and others around you are safe, too. They are not showing dominance by walking in front of you. Remember, you are allowing them to walk in front of you. YOU are in control (hopefully) because you decide when you stop, walk again, for how long, where you go, etc. 

A dog that is pulling a leash or doesn’t listen to commands while on a leash is not dominant, but a dog that still hasn’t learned the commands and proper behavior

3. I Sleep Here, Dogs Not Allowed

This also comes from a misconception regarding a wolf pack. The theory of what is a wolf pack and whether a dog also lives under those structures has changed. There was (and still is) a group of dog trainers claiming we shouldn’t let dogs sleep in our beds because by doing so, we are allowing dogs to “raise” to our level as pack leaders, leaving room for misbehavior caused by a dog thinking he is in charge or equal to us. Today, it is absurd to think our dogs shouldn’t go up to our beds or on our furniture in general. We can prevent them because they might damage it or leave dirt, but not because we think they’ll see us as equals and misbehave. That part is a myth.

Let your dogs sleep on your couch or on a bed with you if you want to – they’ll not misbehave because of that

4. I Look At A Dog, He Must Look Away

Body communication is very important to dogs. One thing is true: confident dogs do not lower their gaze but look straight into the eyes of another dog. On the other hand, a dog that does not want any trouble and is uncomfortable, scared, or similar will look away, hoping to avoid any confrontation. However, think about you and your dog. Are you living in a black-and-white, old theory pack structure? No. Dogs know us just like we know them. They read our emotional cues much better than we read theirs. If you think that a dog who looks away is submissive and a dog who keeps looking at you is dominant, you’re far away from the truth. Dogs adapted to living with us humans, and they read our faces much better than we give them credit. Next time you stare at your dog “as an alpha should,” you’ll only make your dog think, “What on Earth are you doing? Are we playing? Is there a treat coming?”. 

Dogs differ from wolves when it comes to reading our faces and emotions; dogs learned to read our faces, which means looking at us, not diverting their eyes

5. I Am The Alpha, Fear Is Good

The biggest issue with the old “I am the alpha” theory is that it is often fear-based. People misuse something that can be used in a good way. There is nothing wrong with the term alpha, but there is wrong with what people consider alpha should do. Being in charge and being the dominant one in your home, especially if you have more than one dog, is not about being scary and making your dogs fear you. Being in charge means you care for your dogs, and through providing food, exercise, setting boundaries, and so on, you put yourself as a caregiver, not a dictator. Your dogs should respect you, not because you yell at them or hit them (I hope you don’t do that!), but because you give them food, safe space, and love. 

Fear leads to an insecure and, consequently, aggressive dog; we should be calm, confident, and always loving towards our dogs, but with boundaries what a dog can or cannot do

Final Thoughts

A lot has changed since people started having dogs just as pets and not as working dogs. We are constantly learning and evolving, and our perception of dogs and how they see us changes as well. Once, people couldn’t imagine dogs living in our homes or sleeping on our beds, and today, that is a joyful and normal thing to do. Once, people treated dogs quite harshly, and some, unfortunately, still do.

Today, we know that all animals deserve love and care without physical or physiological torture. We can control a dog, no matter the breed or size, through proper socialization, habituation, training, exercise, food, a safe environment, and routine, and through being a confident owner who loves their dogs and never rules through fear. We still have a lot to learn, but we know now that being alpha doesn’t mean what it used to be. Today, being alpha means being a caregiver, similar to being a parent. We have to set rules and boundaries, but not through making our dogs fear us.

Read Next: How To Socialize A Dog?

Cover Photo by Matt Nelson